Weariness of a Preacher

My weariness is to do with daily ministry. I just feel so tired that it is hard to keep pushing myself to keep ministering to people in their pain and suffering. People's pain hurts me - at times I feel like crying for no apparent reason, though, of course, there are the underlying reasons of people's physical health situations. But far deeper is people's spiritual health - or perhaps lack of it. I feel so weak and useless when it comes to ministering the gospel of God's amazing grace in Jesus Christ. I struggle and it gets me down as to why people can't see the truth and respond to it. Oh, I know all the answers of spiritual hardness of heart and spiritual blindness of seeing and spiritual deadness of hearing - but if only people would turn to Jesus Christ and believe. With all this - and, I suppose, after almost 40 years of physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually draining ministry - it is a struggle to keep going and all I can think of is retirement from the responsibilities of leadership. Then I wonder how I can keep on going just to get to retirement age.

I just don't know why God called me into ministry. He knows, but I don't, for my whole nature and personality seems totally wrong for my calling. And then I look over the last 40 years and wonder what good I have done for the Kingdom. Who has been saved from sin and transformed by the gospel of grace? What good am I doing even now? Preparing sermons has become much harder over the years. Unlike our time in both Maryborough and Geeveston the church here is not growing numerically - on the contrary there are less people attending than when we came and regularity is not as strong. Where am I going wrong?

Perhaps after I have completed some more of Sunday morning's sermon, edited Sunday afternoon's for Mole Creek and visited a few people I can go for a run. At least I can see improvement in my running.

Oh that our gracious God would grant the coming of his Spirit to bring spiritual renewal to the church of Jesus Christ!  Oh that people would love the Word, as hard, as challenging and as confronting as it is! Oh that all of us would prefer conformity to Christ rather than conformity to the world!